Thursday, September 26, 2013

My today. (What's yours?)

This has been a day of overbooking, realizing it as soon as I turn on the shower: Crap. It's not all gonna get done today, but the warm water falls and I get clean and I keep going.

This has been a day of Trader Joe's granola and a cup of hot lemon zinger making me happy, of checking my to-do list thrice over before I'm out the door, because yes, today I had to make a to-do list as specific as put camera in the car and  find lunch and dinner. My head floats ten ways and I know I'll forget.
Gorgeous art at Starrette Farm.

This has been a day of muttering frustrations under my breath in the morning and humming "Hear I Am, Lord" in the afternoon. Not a day of extremes, really, just a day of pushing through.

This has been a day of being grateful to work where I work, with the people I work with, because we got together for a meeting and we talked really loud and laughed and we're so often not all in the same place that I remembered, again, that we are a moving, breathing team, that these are my friends, and they are so funny and gifted and kind.

This has been a day of cringing whenever I write a check or swipe a card, all for very practical reasons (well, maybe not the cookie mix), but I know when I check my balance it means there's going to be a smaller number with a still-large number of days before payday, and that's so hard to look at.
This has been a day of generous, gracious, windows-down fall weather and me in my office gazing out at the changing light, a day spent missing pumpkin unloading, the leaf piles, Homecoming floats, my little-kid birthday parties, little-kid freedom (but then being grateful for big-kid freedoms too).

This has been a day of getting home after dark (it will happen, hasn't yet) and starting the evening over, laundry and baking and if I'm asleep by midnight I'll be lucky and this wouldn't fly if tomorrow weren't Friday.

This has been a day (a whole week, really) of wanting to write so badly my head will explode so then not writing enough, just somewhat, and judging myself for judging my amount, and letting TV premieres win out, and reading other people's work and equally marveling and envying their words, and reading my own words with satisfaction.

This has been a day (a whole month or two, really) of living into the present while waiting for the future, which I always seem to do these days, existing on the surface and wanting so badly to dive into the deeper places, to prepare, to push, to find, to explore, and wondering why it isn't easier to get there quickly, why to-do lists don't disappear.

This has been a day of relearning patience, relearning peace, quietly building up purpose inside.

(I wrote another piece in this form in April.) 

1 comment:

lehall said...

My tonight is bridging the gap between all-out sunday morning and the mundane of Monday. I'm closing out the family budget for one month and preparing it for the next. for the days-to-payceck issue, I love you need a budget. I also have a weird avocation of helping people get it set up...