Sunday, January 22, 2006

11 pm

20 months... approximately 600 days that you have been such an amazing part of my life.

"i wrote a note to my drummer boy. i thought= ok, just calm down and write what you feel.. which turned out to be confusing haha. i was writing it and i folded it up and thought... "you know, clairey, you really don't HAVE to send it. you could just put it away. and never think about it again. or think about it and be sad and cowardly and feel bad because you didn't do anything." yeah, that just about decided it. "forget regret, for life is yours to miss..." so clairey writes a little note, folds it up, and spends the rest of the period saying "maybe not... NO YOU MUST! nooo... YES! nooo..." as i told megs, the angel and the devil on my shoulder! except i didn't know which was which! hehehe. and then the bell rang and we were done and i was thinking holy crap holy crap i'm gonna see him what do i do what do i do what what what and then i saw him and he was walking with lizzie and he said "she doesn't like lord of the rings" and i tried to act normal and i handed him the note and walked away and lizzie says "claire, where's MY note?!" and i laughed shakily and walked down the catwalk and took it in... i did it! i did it! theoden: and so it begins. and now he would know! damn! should i have?? holy shit! damn! (these were the thoughts running through my head at the time) and my breaths were coming really really fast and my stomach was knotted totally. that was it. done, done, done. i found megan... "megs, megs, i wrote him a note and now i'm really scared... megan, megan what will i do?? oh my god i am so scared..." she shrieked and said she would ask him about it and i said NO! and then i went to chemistry to take my FREAKIN FINAL! (yes, under these stressful conditions) it wasn't so bad... i'm almost positive that i got more than a 70 which is what i need to keep my A. sooo after i took the final (note: it is now 10:40; i just talked to marty for about 20 minutes) i sat in my seat and tried not to get my hopes up too much since last time that kind of didn't work. i just sat there thinking- oh my god, he's read it by now... oh my god. my stomach dropped about a zillion times and didn't come back up!! and it was bc ali, one of the coolest dudes around, went to A lunch for a minute and came back with a note from megs. a POSITIVE NOTE!!! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! it made me feel sooooo happy and relieved. i had been so worried he would be over me."


bio test got moved to monday, heehee. last swim meet of my HS career last night! (excepting county on sat.) very small and anticlimactic. les grandparents and ms. U came, and karen lee! and the robbster. very enjoyable. then i went to dinner at melton's with robby, grandparents, and parents. then came home and watched seinfeld episodes with robert. :) aujourd'hui, i slept in and watched old tapes with dad- sarah hughes, oscars, etc. went to play practice this afternoon-- i am glad we have most of the blocking under control! i like my part. went to jake's for ice cream, went to the meat market. came home and i watched more oscar tv hehe. ate london broil for dinner. yumm. watched as time goes by and erin brockovich. i feel like i really should a) go to bed and b) do school work but a) i am writing and listening to collective soul and feeling inspired and b) feeling like i'll do it tomorrow and it'll get done somehow.

come on come on TURN A LITTLE FASTER!

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