Saturday, April 27, 2002

7:26 PM
NOT in a good mood at the moment... but I had a happy afternoon. Went to Megan's house and me and her and Molls practiced our song. Then I practiced "Voyage" for them. Diane and Alex came down to listen to us practice too. Then we walked to Starbucks. Actually, Megs went to Coldstone but me and Mollie got stuff at Starbucks (oreo cream bar... major yums). Then we walked to the amphitheatre at the church school building and ate our stuff and had a nice chat. THEN (yes, the post-pneumonia clairey was pretty wiped by this time, but hey, I got exercise! Yahoo!) we walked to Mollie's uncle Joe's house, (he's an excellent cook by the way) where there was preparation for the 50th birthday party of Mollie's OTHER uncle (whom Daddy played soccer against in high school by the way). Her cousins from outta town were/are (the party's goin on right now) there and her other aunt... etc. etc. We hung out there, I love his house, it's right near Megan's and the church and my school for next year and my grandparents. ah, to live in that neighborhood would be absolutely heavenly... but pricey. OF COURSE. Urrrrgh.
Well, I was invited to stay and hang out but my parents decided that they were gonna pick up my brother from a friend's house and then go to a Mexican place for dinner. Well, I didn't WANT TO DO THAT! Hmph hmph hmph. But of course we went anyway and I was in a very bad mood... everything's just been so tense and I didn't get my way (ah how selfish) and I have so much work to do and I guess I'm sorta mad at myself because I said "God!" and my mom says, "You've been saying 'God' a lot lately..." So I am mad at myself because I HAVE been cussing more and more frequently as I can tell so I am going to try and stop. And then I got ticked off at my parents for having a beer each at dinner because I firmly believe in the "don't drink AND drive" sentiment. But they go, "Oh, trust our judgement..." blah blah blah. And I DO trust them, I just want them to be healthy and safe. They don't teach us this stuff in health for nothing (well, ok, maybe they do, but whatever). So that was my (annoying) evening. Sometimes it's nice to feel sorry for yourself. I mean, I love to cry sometimes. I'll just turn on a CD that makes me cry and cry. It's such a release, but it is not bad to feel sorry for yourself. Or to be mad. Some people might think it's selfish, but it is human. AND I WANTED TO STAY AT THE PARTY WITH MOLLIE AND MEGS AND THE BEAUTIFUL OUTDOORS AND HER UNCLE'S COOKING, NOT BE BACK AT HOME WRITING THIS... although I suppose it is a good release too. Writing and crying. And talking. I do love springtime here though, and I wanted to be outside to enjoy it in that wonderful old neighborhood with friends and family (my fam was invited too but noooo- Mexican food for us, thank you very much) and good food and just have a lovely fantastic time. Even though I am extremely tired because of all the walking I've done today. However- I am proud of myself for doing it. It's also going to be fun to sing the song tomorrow. And Confirmation Sunday is demain also- such a great time, I am happy for the confirmands. It's pretty special, even though I'm still uncertain on my beliefs. I know that at this time in my life I belong to this church and there is no other church I would rather be at because, it may be true that I've never known any other church or any other religion, but I love it here. My friends, my family is here. When I go off to college or whatever, I'll do what I want. But right now, I don't regret my joining the church last year. I believe in some sort of a God and I guess I'm still figuring out what it is. Besides, the Confirmation program sucked last year-- seriously. The Sunday School class was just a regular Sunday School class except at the end, they handed out little booklets that they called "homework" (great word for it, that reallllly inspired us- ha ha ha)... I really learned nothing that I needed to know. How can they expect 12 and 13 year old kids to decide whether they wanna join the church or not in 3 MONTHS???? It's supposed to take 3 years or something. I just didn't gain much out of it, except a great friendship. So I'm still searching... yawn. Yes, I'm wiped. All that walking. I already said that, didn't I? Suppose I'm just babbling now. YaaaAAAAAaaawn. Ooh, gotta call LN and Marty about tomorrow night. I feel better now, I think this was good for me. And now you all have read my rants, so I've shared it with someone at least. it's probably good that I don't have a guestbook or anything on here. ;-) --clairey who might have just had a partially huge weight lifted off her shoulders from writing this... we'll have to wait and see

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